Illinois Jokes

IllinoisIllinois Jokes

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
 


 

A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

 


Your Loving Husband.


PS. Sure is hot down here.


Chicago Bears Game Online AT&T charges man $27,000 for watching Chicago Bears game over the web. $27,000?!! That's it? He actually SAVED money. If he had come to Ford Field in Detroit, you gotta figure: $50 for a cheap seat, $10 minimum for parking, $10 for a hot-dog and chips, $10 for a delicious watered down 3-2 beer, and the $28,000 to replace your stolen car. Do the math people!!!

 


 

You know you're from Southern Illinois when...

 

You can name 3 or more surrounding towns high school mascots.

You drink soda, NOT POP

There's no place to go that you shouldn't.

You know that 4th of July weekend and Herrinfest weekend there WILL BE road blocks......and the popeye picnic in Chester!!!!

You know that if one school is canceled due to snow, yours will be too...Unless it's Trico or Elverado.

You get ticked off when people from Chicago (which is anything north of Bloomington) refer to Southern Illinois as "Downstate"

A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.

You don't find it weird that each town only has one high school.

Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield.

You have been snipe hunting and cow tipping.

You have to drive two towns over to eat Mexican or Chinese food, and it's not even authentic when you get there.

You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from.

You have always known what a Saluki is, and think people who don't are dumb.

When someone from a different town comes into your town to drive around, you and all your friends notice.

There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway cause they never left.

A night out consists of eating at Garfields in Carbondale.

Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience.

You had someone in your family that worked in the coal mines.

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You know that in the fall, at dusk, you have a very good chance of hitting a deer with your car.

You know what 4-H is. You know that in the fall, if you are going hiking, wear BRIGHT clothes.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You had senior skip day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field).

You can't help but date a friend's ex.

The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Wal-Mart or the ONLY mall in a 40 mile radius.

Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference

Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

The town population decreases by one-third when the universities go on break.

You capitalize the "s" in southern.