Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs.Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards house. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or high water."
A Louisiana man walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river.
A few moments later another Louisiana man walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river.
A few miles down river the two men catch up to one another and the first man says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The second replies,"They didn't last year."
A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy."
The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.
The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bob was drinking it up with Homer T. Ratcliff. He soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. Suddenly Billy Bob spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Homer T. Ratcliff. When Homer got on the phone Billy Bob said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on 442. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!!"
An Alabama man was looking for a place to live, but wasn't having much success. Finally he came upon a farm house, figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked the farmer if he had a room for rent.
The farmer said the only place he had left was the outhouse and that he was welcome to rent it.
The man was grateful and moved in right away.
The next day the farmer saw 2 T.V. antennas on top of the outhouse and was bewildered, so he knocked on the door to ask about the extra antenna.
The man said, "Well, I sublet the basement to a guy from Louisiana."
The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass.
You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
Every so often, you have waterfront property.
When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee.
When you refer to a geographical location "way up North", you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold"! * Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
You've ever had Community Coffee.
You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya,)
You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.
The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
You know the definition of "dressed".
You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something".
You go by "ya-mom-en-`dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors)
You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
You describe a color as "K&B Purple".
You like your rice and politics dirty.
You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.
You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins".
A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
You prefer skiing on the bayou.
You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.