Oregon Jokes
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, ''Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?'' The kid says, ''How should I know? I'm only 8.'"
A Californian, a Texan and an Oregonian are on a camping trip. The Californian takes a bottle of chardonnay from his backpack and takes a swig from it, then tosses it into the air and blows it apart with a Glock. The Texan and Oregonian protest and the Californian says: We have that stuff coming out our ears, it's no big deal.
The Texan, not to be outdone, produces a bottle of premium tequila, takes a drink then throws it into the air and blasts it to pieces with a revolver. He says: Got tons of it it, no big deal.
The Oregonian chugs a bottle of IPA, then takes a shotgun from his backpack and blows the Californian away. The Texan stares at him aghast until the Oregonian says: We have lots of those. But this bottle is worth five cents.
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN OREGON IF...
* You believe the weather man.
* You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.
* You use the words 'sun breaks' and know what it means.
* You know more than 10 words to describe a cup of coffee.
* You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.
* You never go camping without water-proof matches and ponchos.
* You stand on a deserted street corner in the rain waiting for the light to change (if there even is a light).
* You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
* You obey all traffic laws except keep right and left passing.
* You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.
* You consider swimming an indoor sport.
* You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.
* You can't tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, and Thai food.
* In the winter, you go to work in the dark, come home in the dark, and only have an 8 hour day.
* You've ever tasted Pace extra mild picante sauce.
* You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a really nice restaurant.
* You consider "etiquette" a foreign word.
* You personally know someone from California.
* You resent being called a weirdo.
* You drool at the world's worst spaghetti sauce.
* You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.
* You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly.
* You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is).
* The bride and groom registered at REI. (sport supply store)
* You are amazed at an accurate weather forecast.
* If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown.
* You'd be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water.
* Every day is casual Friday.