Ohio Jokes
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain,which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
You Know You’re from Ohio When...
- You've never met any celebrities.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
- "Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
- You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
- You measure distance in minutes.
- Down south to you means Kentucky.
- You know several people who have hit a deer.
- Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
- Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
- You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
- You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
- You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
- You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
- Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
- You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
- You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
- You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
- All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
- You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
- You carry jumper cables in your car.
- You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
- You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
- You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
- You think that deer season is a national holiday.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
- You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
- You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
- You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
- You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
- You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.
- Isn't it sad? You just said "yup" and "uh-huh" or aint that the truth" to most of these!!!
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?” The guy replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, 225 lbs., and he is an Ohio State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6’5″, 250lbs., and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?” The first guy says, “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”