If you dropped $400 on a client lunch, but spend $4.50 on a late dinner out of the office vending machine . . . you might be a Washington lawyer.
I am not a member of an organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Congress does two things well: nothing and over-react.
George Washington's Story
(if after the Clinton years)
Released this morning for the first time is the complete transcript of the Cherry Tree Hearings.
"George?"
"Yes, father."
"George, I have a very serious question to ask you and I want you to promise you'll answer truthfully. Will you?"
"Yes, father."
"Good. now here is the question. Did you cut down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"You're quite sure?"
"Yes, father."
"Well, I'm afraid I'm very disappointed in you, George."
"Why, father?"
"Because 12 people saw you cut down the cherry tree with your little hatchet."
"Oh."
"In view of that, would you like to change your previous answer, George?"
"No, father. I believe the answer I gave you was legally accurate."
"You still insist you were telling me the truth?"
"In my own mind I was telling you the truth, yes father."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you asked me if I had 'cut' down the tree. In my own mind, it seemed to me that 'cutting' is something one does with a knife or a sickle. In my own mind it seemed that , since I used my little hatchet, the relationship I had with the tree, while perhaps inappropriate, was not a 'cutting' relationship. I would call it a 'chopping' relationship."
"Very well. I'll give you another chance, George. Listen very carefully. Did you chop down my cherry tree?"
"No, father."
"No? No? Why do you still say no?"
"Because, father, I cannot tell a lie. And in my own mind I did not 'chop down' your cherry tree."
"Well, what did you do, then?"
"I chopped it into two pieces and one piece fell to the ground."
"So you chopped it down."
"No, father, I merely chopped it. I did not cause that piece to fall down. The force of gravity caused it to fall down. Were it not for the force of gravity, over which I have absolutely no control, the tree, though segmented, would presumably still be up, not down."
"George, I'm losing patience with you. But I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. Did you take your little hatchet and chop my cherry tree, which action on your part, combined with the force of gravity, caused the tree to fall down?"
"No, father."
"NO? NO? IT'S STILL NO? HOW CAN YOU STILL SAY NO?"
"I still say no because of my legendary regard for the truth, father. What is that object at which I am pointing with my finger?"
"It's the stump of the cherry tree you cut down."
"And isn't the stump part of the tree, father?"
"It sure is."
"In fact, isn't the stump the most important part of the tree, father, since, without a stump there would be no tree?"
"I guess so."
"Yet the stump is still standing. So when you asked me if I had chopped down the tree, my own mind said to me, 'George, you must tell the truth. And the truthful answer is no. You chopped, gravity caused part of the tree to fall down yet the most important part of the tree is still standing.'"
"I see."
"All I can suppose, father, is that those 12 people whose exaggerated claims allege they saw me 'cut down' the entire 'tree' were motivated not by a search for truth, but by some personal vendetta against me, perhaps because I am from Virginia."
"George, you're a real crafty little guy."
"Thank you father."
"Have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"
"Yes, father. If they ever build a White House I would like to occupy it as the first White House lawyer."
You know that you are in Washington, DC when:
1. People just call the city "DC" or "the District"
2. The government closes schools because there is a 40% CHANCE of snow (That is if they aren't already closed to tar the roofs)
3. Everyone calls the 10 inches of snow three years ago "THE GREAT BLIZZARD"
4. All the people on the city board know the mayor from their time in Lorton together
5. There are 15 main ways out of the city onto the highway but no signs to say where these are
6. Drivers pick up strangers at bus stops so that they can drive in the HOV lane during rush hour.
7. You spend 2 hours to find a parking space and it's for "one hour only"
8. The road you are on is suddenly interrupted by a building
9. People give directions by how long it will take to get to the destination at different times of the day.
10. The weather man declares the weather is suddenly a cool 89 degrees with only 90% humidity and you are happy.
11. Diplomat plates bring on anxiety attacks.
12. The weatherman calls for 2 inches of snow and you have to rush to the grocery store to buy diapers, milk, bread, and toilet paper... and you don't even have a baby.
13. You watch the World/National News to find out what to do this weekend.
14. You race for the elevator.
15. You dream of moving to the suburbs only to look out the window of your $300,000 house directly into your neighbor's window 4 feet away.
16. Nobody you know actually makes anything.
17. Most of your friends want to become "independent consultants" (or have)
18. All of your friends are either: a. Lawyers b. Computer People c. Work for some gov't organization with a short abbreviation (i.e.. IRS, DOD, DOE, etc.) d. Work "for the Pentagon" or "on the Hill" or for "the White House" (i.e. they work for a location, but not for anyone)
19. Knowing somebody that can get you into an embassy, The White House, or congressional party is a status symbol.
20. People talk in acronyms and they actually understand each other.
21. When you ask someone what they do for a living they respond "I would tell you but then I'd have to kill you". And they are serious. And that's okay.
22. You can spend every weekend going to free things, with all the billion other people who had the same idea.
23. You stop someone on the street to ask for directions, and 75% of the time they say oh sorry, they are just visiting too.