Weird Facts

Arizona Jokes

Arizona Arizona Jokes

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

 

 

Farmers have to feed crushed ice to the chickens so they dont lay hard boiled eggs.

 

 

Arizona Fish Can't Swim

A man went camping in Northern Arizona, as he had many times before. But he noticed something different this time when he began fishing. There were no bites on his line at all. He headed over to the local market to get some new bait, and the shopkeeper gave him some advice. "Don't even bother buying any bait," said the shopkeeper "Why's that?" questioned the man. "There ain't no fish 'round here no more. We had a freak flood come through and wipe them all out." "But how would a flood wipe out the fish?" wondered the man. "There ain't never been no water 'round Arizona, so the fish never learned to swim."

 

 

It's so hot in Arizona that...

 

the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

  • the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
    • farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
    • the cows are giving evaporated milk.
    • the trees are whistling for the dogs.
    • you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
    • you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
    • you eat hot chiles to cool your mouth off.
    • you can make instant sun tea.
    • you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
    • the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
    • you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    • you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
    • you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
    • The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
    • you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
    • you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
    • you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
    • hot water now comes out of both taps.
    • it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
    • you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
    • you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
    • no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
    • your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
    • you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

     

     

    Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

    After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

    The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

     

     

    Ode to Arizona

    The Devil wanted a place on earth.
    Sort of a summer home:
    A place to spend his vacation
    Whenever he wanted to roam.

    So he picked out Arizona.
    A place both wretched and rough.
    Here the climate was to his liking
    And the cowboys were hardened and tough.

    He dried up the streams in the canyons
    and ordered no rain to fall:
    He dried up the lakes in the valleys,
    Then baked and scorched it all.

    Then over his barren desert
    He transplanted shrubs from Hell.
    The cactus, thistle and prickly pear --
    The climate suited them well.

    Now, the home was much to his liking.
    But animal life, he had none:
    So he created crawling creatures
    That all mankind would shun.

    First he made the rattlesnake.
    With its forked poisonous tongue:
    Taught it to strike and rattle
    And how to swallow its young.

    Then he made Scorpions and Lizards
    And the ugly old Horned Toad.
    He placed spiders of every description
    Under rocks by the side of the road.

    Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter.
    Hotter and hotter still.
    Until even the cactus wilted
    And the old Horned Toad looked ill.

    Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom.
    As any creator would:
    He chuckled a little up his sleeve
    And admitted that it was good.

    'Twas summer now and Satan lay
    By a prickly pear to rest.
    The sweat rolled off his wearthy brow.
    So he took off his coat and vest.

    "By Golly," he finally panted
    "I did my job too well.
    I'm going back where I came from

     


    You know you're in Arizona when ...

    *You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

    *You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

    *You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

    *You can make instant sun tea.

    *You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

    *The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

    *You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

    *You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

    *You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

    *Hot water now comes out of both taps.

    *It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

    *You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

    *You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

    *No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

    *Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

    *You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.


     

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