Weird Facts

Colorado Jokes

Colorado…Colorado Jokes

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

 

 

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind.

"I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," one said to the other.

"What are you worried about"? the second replied. "It's a rental."

 

 

For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. We need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following story.

President Obama received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado. Because Colorado ranchers protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, he ordered Secretary of Interior Bruce Babbitt to fire half of the guards immediately.

Before Babbitt could respond, and presumably straighten him out, Colorado's congresswoman Pat Schroeder intervened with a request that before any were fired they be given six months of retraining.

 

 

Best Guides For Colorado

I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray.

"You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!" they asserted.

"I am," he said, "but I think we're in Wyoming now."

 

 

"Big Brown Bear" joke

A big brown bear came out of the hills and walked into a bar in Boulder, Colorado.
The big brown bear sat down at the bar and said, "Hey bartender, bring me a beer." The bartender replied, "Sorry, buddy, we can't serve big brown bears beer, bourbon, brandy or other bubbly booze at beer bars in Boulder."
The big brown bear noticed that a big buxom blonde broad with big boobs was back behind the bar, so the big brown bear said to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I still want a beer, and if you don't bring me a beer, I'm goin' back behind the bar and I'm goin' to eat that big buxom blonde broad with the big boobs." The bartender replied, "Sorry, buddy, but we still don't serve big brown bears beer, bourbon, brandy or other bubbly booze at beer bars in Boulder."
So, the big brown bear jumped back behind the bar and ate the big buxom blonde broad with the big boobs.
The big brown bear then got back on his chair and said, "Now, bartender, bring me a beer." The bartender replied, "Sorry, buddy, but we can't serve big brown bears that are on DRUGS beer, bourbon, brandy or other bubbly booze in beer bars in Boulder."
The big brown bear said, " What do you mean - on DRUGS?"
The bartender replied, "I saw that bar-bitch-you-ate!" (Barbiturate)

 

 

 

You might be from Colorado if...

  • You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista and Coloradoan.
  • SPF 90 is not out of the question.
  • April showers bring May blizzards.
  • You have stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.
  • You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's someone you know.
  • Timberline is someplace you have actually been, many times.
  • People from other states breathe 5 times more often than you.
  • Having a Senator named 'Nighthorse' doesn't seem strange.
  • A full moon has never kept you awake.
  • You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.
  • Knowing that Texas and California are downstream gives you a certain feeling of satisfaction when you flush.
  • You know who Alferd Packer was.
  • You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
  • You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.
  • You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.
  • You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.
  • Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.
  • You get depressed after one day of cloudy weather.
  • You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
  • You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne, Tex, or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
  • North means "mountains to the left," south is "mountains to the right," and east and west are where all those liberals keep moving in from.
  • You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
  • You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt, and Birkenstocks.
  • Your bridal registry is at REI.
  • You expect the additional season... "Road Construction."

 

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