Georgia Jokes
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
I was traveling through south Georgia yesterday and noticed a lot of signs
saying "pecans ahead." Wouldn't "restrooms ahead" be more appropriate?
Q: Why does a Georgia Bulldog place his diploma on the dashboard?
A: So he can park in a handicapped zone!
Tomorrow is the Florida-Georgia game, so I need to get a few more Georgia jokes out of my system. After tomorrow’s game, I may not have the opportunity again for a year.
There was a couple who were getting a divorced, so the judge said to
the child, “Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with
your Dad?”
“No,’ said the child, “he beats me.”
“Do you want to live with your Mom then?” “No, she beats me too”.
“Well who do you want to live with?”
“I want to live with a Dawg fan,” said the little girl,. “Because they can’t beat anybody that’s good.”
You know you’re from Georgia if….
1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and LaFayette. P.S.
Atlanta = ADD-LANNA, not AT-LANT-A.
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
5. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.
6. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.
7. You think everyone from a Yankee state has an accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Crew Cab with extended bed is.
16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
18. Ironically, you only crave Chick-Fil-A and alcohol on Sundays . . when neither is sold.
19. On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.
20. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”
21. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet
22. Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the only kind of doughnuts you eat.
23.. You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat in your new sweater.
24. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn’t stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every ten minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, toilet paper, and adult drinks.
25. People actually grow, eat, and like okra!
26. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.
27. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
28. Panama City Beach, Florida, is a big deal.
29. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.
30. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.
31. You say “tuna fish sandwich.”
32. You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that the person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.
33. Braves=good. Yankees=bad.
34. You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food . . . and Southern comfort.
35. You know the whole peach state thing only applies to those below the fall line.
36. You have a flip-flop tan year-round
37. You use “The Big Chicken” as a basis for all directions.
38. You get dressed extra nice TWICE a week . . . once on Sunday morning for church, and once on Friday night for the football game.