Massachusetts Jokes

Massachusetts Jokes

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

If you're from Boston:

You'll know who the cahdnal is, how to take the T to JP and what the blinking red light atop the old Hancock Building means in the summer (in winter it means snow is due).

If you're smaht, you'll never get cahded at the packie (liquor,or packagestore).

You only eat italian sausage outside Fenway Pahk before a Sox game with mustid, peppahs-n-onions.

You might be from Boston if...

You think of Philadelphia as the midwest.

You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.

You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).

You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.

All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.

You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."

Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.

You don't think you have an attitude.

You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.

Everything in town is "a five minute walk."

When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.

You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.

You have no idea what the word compromise means.

You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.

You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic & stubborn.

You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something, or are from out of town.

Your favorite adjective is "wicked."

You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.

You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.

Language Barrier

A fellow from Boston was in Atlanta GA visiting family. One day he decided to take a walk around the area where his relatives lived to enjoy their fine, comfortable Southern way of life - something he was not accustomed to in the northeast.
While he was walking he happened upon a pit bull attacking a small child. His instincts took over, and he ran to the child's aid by grabbing the dog, and choking it to death.
As the dead animal lay at his feet, a man came running over from the other side of the street. He announced that he was the star reporter for Atlanta newspaper, and he would make the rescuer famous: "ATLANTA MAN SAVES CHILD FROM GRUESOME DEATH," to headline on page 1.
The would-be savior explained that it was very nice, but he was from Boston, not Atlanta. The next day he read the headline: "YANKEE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET."