Weird Facts

Michigan Jokes

michiganMichigan Jokes

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

 

 

A Michigander was flying to Los Angeles and when the airliner reached Arizona an announcement was made that they were now passing over the Grand Canyon. He looked down for a few seconds and then went back to his magazine. The stewardess said, "You don't seem too impressed." The Michigander replied, "If you've seen one pothole, you've seen them all!"

 

 

A newcomer to the state was sitting in the bar talking to a grizzled old Michigander. The February wind was howling outside and kicking up some pretty good-sized drifts. The conversation eventually came around to the weather and the newcomer says, "I was talking around to some of the other locals and they said that even though the weather's bad right now, you had a really nice summer."

"I wouldn't know about that," said the old-timer. "My wife finally badgered me to do some of the things I had been promissing to do and I was in the basement all that day"


 

Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

 


Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

 


Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

 


Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

 


Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

 


A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

 


Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.

 


Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

 


Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

 


Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

 

 

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

 


Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

 


Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

 


Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.

 


Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

 


Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

 


Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

 


General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

 


Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

 

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

 


Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.

 

You Might be From Michigan If...


 

  • If you think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
  • If you can identify an Ohio accent.
  • If your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Strohs and a bucket of smelt.
  • If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
  • If you know someone from Porch Yeurn.
  • If you know what a "Yooper" is.
  • If you know what a panczki is.
  • If half the people you know say they are from Detroit, yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit.
  • If the Big Mac is something you drive across.
  • If you believe "Down South" refers to Toledo.
  • If "Up North" means north of Clare.
  • If you know what a pastie is.
  • If the word "Thumb" brings to mind a geographical rather than an anatomical definition.
  • If you've ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
  • If you expect Vernor's when you order Ginger Ale.
  • If your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the first day of deer season.
  • If your snowmobile and fishing boat have big block Chevy engines.
  • If you know what a millage is.
  • If traveling coast-to-coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
  • If half of the change in your pocket is Canadian.
  • If you point to the palm of your right hand when explaining to people where you grew up.
  • If you call Lake Michigan the West Coast.
  • If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake
  • If snow tires come standard on all your cars.
  • If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
  • If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
  • If someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor".
  • If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
  • If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
  • If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation....in January.
  • If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".
  • If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceasers's and Hungry Howie's.
  • If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.
  • If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.
  • If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out.
  • If the trees in your backyard have spigots.
  • If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.
  • If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".
  • If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.
  • If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.
  • If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.
  • If you know how to play Euchre.
  • If you know how to pronounce Euchre.
  • If you know how to pronounce Sault Ste. Marie.
  • If you or your child has ever watched Sesame Street in French.
  • If you've used the term "Yooper."
  • If you've ever told someone that your move to Alpena was a move to "a big city".
  • If you refer to Ann Arbor as A2.

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