Montana Jokes
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
"Ole Blue"
A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.
Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
Q: What’s the most popular pick up line in Montana?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why couldn’t the baby Jesus be born in Montana?
A: Because they couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do folks from Montana go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
You Know You're a Montanan when...
…Your idea of a traffic jam includes three ponies, a John Deere and an ATV.
…You use the word “scat” as a noun, not a verb.
…You discover that Elk, Lions and Moose do NOT refer to fraternal organizations.
…You can’t find your golf ball among the hailstones.
…"Bootstrapping" is the first thing you do when you get out of bed.
…The words "blizzard" and "wind chill" make you wonder if you should still fire-up the barbecue.
...You hear the word "waders" and immediately think of fly-fishing, not restaurants.
…You spend more money on your horse than on your car.