Minnesota Jokes
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
The Meaning of the Expression "Uff DA"
A common Norwegian expression meaning Drat, Oops or Ouch
Frequently employed in Minnesota
"UFF DA" EXAMPLES
Getting out of bed in the morning with a backache.
Getting out of a chair after a long TV session
Walking into a room and forgetting why you came
Looking in the mirror
Getting swished in the face with a cow's wet tail.
Forgetting your mother-in-law's first name.
Two of your girl friends find out about each other.
Eating a sandwich and then finding out the spread is cat food.
Watching a Bay Area sports team
Finding out lutefisk is the main course for dinner
Ole's Farm
Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time. The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."
Ole asked, "What is the bad news?"
The surveyors said, "Well, after our work we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota , but is actually in North Dakota !"
Ole looked at Lena and said, "That's the best news I have heard in a long time, why I just told Lena this morning, I don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."
Questionable Sign
0le is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. They are pounding a sign into the ground that says:
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT'S TOO LATE!
A car speeds past them, the driver sees the sign, leans out his window and yells, "Leave me alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!" A minute later they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, "Bridge Out?"
A Minnesota Birthday
All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.
So when Ole's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Ole stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father,his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Ole's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January. You were born in July!
Ole and Lena Get Married
After a very long courtship, Ole and Lena finally tied the knot. After a nice Lutheran wedding and a joyous reception at the Side Track Tavern the newlyweds headed to Minneapolis for the night before heading to Duluth for their honeymoon.
Ole was feeling frisky as they neared the twin cities and he put his hand on Lena’s knee.
Lena giggled and said, “Ya know, Ole, we’re married now. Ve can go all the vay.”
So, Ole drove on to Duluth…..
Considering Divorce
Two Minnesotans are out in their ice fishing fishin' shack, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, "I tinkin' a divorcin' my wife - she haint spoken to me in over two months now."
Earl sips his beer thoughtfully and says, "You bedder t'ink it over, ya know - vomen like that are hard to find.
Your Know You are From Minnesota If...
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter.
You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at the county fair.
You know that "combine" is a noun.
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick"
Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and parking in your pickup with your girlfriend out by the lake.
You spend Saturday at the local bowling alley.
Several of the kids in your class helped milk cows before school.
You have driven your car on the lake.
You can make sense of "upnort" and "baatree".
Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
The local gas station sells live bait.
At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.